So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
