OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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