I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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