Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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