Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
