Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
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