I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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