let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
