I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
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