I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
