She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
