Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize