Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
