Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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