I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
