Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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