I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
