She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I love having hate sex.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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