My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
