With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
