One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
