Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i just wanna soil my oats bro
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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