Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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