Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize