I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Randomize
