Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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