I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
