If i come over, it means nothing
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
