I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
