If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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