I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
my poor anus
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Randomize
