Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
