Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you would pick up someone in the library
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize