do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
