I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
