glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
