Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
