I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
