I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
