just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Randomize
