Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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