Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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