Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
its not stalking. its research.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
