Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
