i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
