Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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