Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
