It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
