My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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