I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
