Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
People with herpes should wear stickers.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
