Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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