That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
