stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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