something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
