who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
