Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
