No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
