Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Randomize
