ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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