Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
