doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
