im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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