awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
