right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
