if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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