My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
