He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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