WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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