so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
